martes, 29 de mayo de 2012

Carta

Las siguientes letras viene de parte de una buena amiga, Auster porque ¿para qué volver a escribir lo que ya está escrito si quiere decir exactamente lo que tú quieres expresar?

Carta a mi propio desconocido

Hola desconocido
¿Te acuerdas de cuando no éramos capaces de imaginarnos desconocidos? ¿De cuando conocíamos cada detalle el uno del otro? Yo ya no.
No consigo recordar nada de eso. No consigo recordar un día que me riese contigo. No consigo recordar ese día en el que tuvieras un detalle conmigo, en el que te preocuparas más por mí que por tí mismo, o siquiera que por los demás. Porque de eso se trataba. Siempre. De los demás. Y de ti. De que tu estuvieras bien con ellos, ellos bien contigo, ellos bien con nosotros, ... ¿Sabes qué? Que me dan igual los demás. Que quizás si un sólo día te hubieses preocupado más por mí que por los demás, todo habría salido bien.
O si yo un día no hubiese decidido que no podía seguir llorando todas las noches, seguiría pensando que te conozco, o, aún más imposible, que tu me conoces a mí. Dios no lo quiera. Llegó el día en que me di cuenta de todo. Me di cuenta de que jamás me trataste bien. Era todo mentira. Eran todo, absolutamente todo, gestos vacíos. A la hora de verdad, me dejaste a un lado, me impediste cumplir mis sueños, interpusiste siempre tu bienestar a mi felicidad. Y se acabó. Pero se acabó del todo. Se acabó el hacer como que no me importa, el hacer como que todo acabó bien. Nada acabó bien, no para mi.
Aún así, espero que seas feliz. Y que, algún día, encuentres a alguien que realmente te importe lo suficiente. Que te importe más que tú mismo, que tu trabajo, tu mundo, tus normas. Alguien a quien ayudar a cumplir sus sueños. 
Sé que esta carta llega tarde. Pero necesitaba enviártela. Porque no pienso seguir siendo la mala de una historia de la que no quiero ni formar parte.

jueves, 17 de mayo de 2012

Haters will hate

I'm feeling myself so close to the edge; actuallly I'm feeling it closer than ever...
Just one more step and everything will be over... just one more...
But I'm too coward, even for that little step that's separating me from the freedom I want to reach.

So many dreams have been destroyed by now; so many times I've had my heart broken; so many people left me behind without a real reason....
"Don't take it personally" they said... but they forgot to tell me what they have on their other hands... each and every one of that group I loved so much, every one had their personal reasons to dump me... just right now...

I maybe could understand some reasons like you can hate me as you do, don't you Mr. Twin? Don't worry, I guess you were just feeling jealous for what was coming...
Nowadays I'm not sure about anything except for one only thing... I'm a thousand times better than you on the stage, and that won't change, even if I'm not up there...
And, please don't take it personally, I do hate you back, as much as for wishing you the worst and slower of the miseries you could ever imagine... and no, I won't have any regrets about this.
If I finally take that step to the edge, it will be you the one to blame... you started all of this, only you. Don't ever try to make people think it was my fault... anyone but you were the starter...
Apart from the hate you, Mr. Twin feel for my, there were things much worst...

... things like Mr. Little, you were supposed to be my friend, my brother... and you just didn't tell me a single word about what's coming, and you already knew it one week before... how could you be that mean?
I loved you more than I love my own family, actually, you were part of my family and you just take the easy way and you hide all of this from me... but worst... you lied to me... why????!!!!
I don't hate you, I can't, and I'm not going to wish you the same luck than Mr. Twin deserves... but I do wish you the same you did to me, exactly the same so you will feel all the pain and sorrow you left inside me... you and every single one there are the worst people I've ever known... you weren't different than them at all...

Sometimes I tried to put myself on your shoes but everytime I think about it I get to the same ending... I would have told you from the very first moment, and secondly, I would have left the group... because no one takes my friends away from me... could you deny that? 'Cause I've shown it several times on less than a year...

These are the first words I write since everything happened... and I won't regret tomorrow... I need to take it out... they weight too much for me...

I'm quite tired... everyday the only think I have on my mind is to take that tiny step that separates me from the freedom...
The light is gone... darkness is coming, and I won't do nothing to avoid it.

I'm gonna take a deep breath and then maybe I'll be able to jump into the edge...